Our family has an 'understanding' when it comes to trips away (and by 'understanding' I mean something I annoyingly repeat to a less than enthused Dave): "We won't remember the tired/cranky/stressed feelings, but we will get to keep the awesome memories". Well, those of us with an ability to remember more of our high school experience than Mariah Carey/Boyz 2 Men lyrics, that is... Hmmm, come to think of it maybe there is a legitimate reason for his lack of enthusiasm after all!

There is a blog post being shared on Facebook about stopping to memorize the special moments and movements of our kids before they grow up so quickly before our eyes and it really resonates with me. For me, trips away provide the perfect backdrop to stop and just see each other properly again- without the loads of washing and to do lists and boxes of toys to be packed up again. It's like turning up the volume and the colour contrast on life for a couple of days, making the good moments soar out like a symphony....and the not so good roar like a tsunami.

Traveling with three kids under four is probably not meant to be easy. We sure had our moments- frantically searching for some mode of food at 5:30pm on the first evening, me in the car with Hudson, Dave pushing Eli and a screaming Ivy in the pram behind us, then getting to the pub which was closed....Hudson tripping head first over the brick step in the living room every. single. time. he walked over it....the realisation that the quaint cottage I had booked us was effectively a very open plan bedroom, with curtains for doors and an attic that took every hearty snore and tossed it through both levels of the dwelling with gusto.... the lingering throat infection/tonsillitis that battered through both Dave's and my energy levels, leaving us looking longingly at the bed pretty much as soon as we had put the kids down...the looooong trip home from the city in bumper to bumper traffic which involved various contortion performances as I reached back to continually replace the dummy for a very unhappy Ivy... . and Eli's announcement in the middle of that traffic crawl that he was desperate for the toilet, necessitating an urgent mid-ride nappy for undies swap that didn't quite catch the intended contents!

Thankfully, these moments were a blip on an otherwise incredible experience together. The Claremont Coach House had character in spades- with a cast iron fireplace, uneven brick floors, exposed beams and a secret hole in the wall between the bedroom and living room. The weathered wagon and ramshackle hut just outside the dwelling added to the old fashioned feel and made us all feel like we had been transported back in time. Eli was enchanted with his vintage metal bed in the attic and the upper level opened out onto an upstairs deck which Dave and I slipped out to gaze at the incredible array of stars once the kids had conked out for the evening. Mum and Dad joined us for a BBQ on that deck on the second night as a stroke of coincidence had seen them independently decide to visit Bendigo for Dad's work at the exact time we were holidaying in Castlemaine!

Our day trip to Bendigo worked out perfectly. We stumbled across The Epicurean Delicatessen: Formaggi & Cucina and were transported back to Italy with strong espresso style coffee and hearty stews with plenty of crusty bread to soak up the tantalising juices. We made a bee line for the empty outdoor courtyard and the kids had space to explore while we relaxed for a while. The Discovery Center was our next stop and Eli and Hudson had a ball pressing buttons and playing with all the displays. Then we headed to Rosalind Park with our subs and played at the foot of the majestic School House and Clock Tower overshadowing the stunning greenery.

We toured Castlemaine's parks and detoured through Mt Macedon, stopping to savour pizza in the sun and explore the 'secret garden' at the Mt Macedon Hotel. Eli and Hudson were enchanted by the mounds of autumn leaves and relished the chance to dash around and say 'hello' to all passing strangers.

Slowing down to focus only on where we would be going and what we would be eating gave me plenty of opportunities to really 'see' each of the kids and soak in their cute mannerisms and ways of talking that will pass all too soon. Eli kept exclaiming how much he loved 'our' holiday house and his bed and everything that he could see around the property. He has started referring to Hudson as his 'best friend' and kept checking in the car to see if his 'friends' (Ivy and Hudson) were still sleeping. He is so quick with his humour and has the most infectious laugh and smile. Hudson threw himself into the new environment with his typical gusto and rearranged cupboards and stored his precious computer and Dave's portable speaker in them at any chance he got, his little tongue sticking out at a slight angle in his intense concentration. His little skip as he made his way to Dave or I and cheeky grin whenever we caught his glance. He has sadly stopped expressing his hilarious opposition to any task with the defiant statement "I WANT to" and has now added the 'don't' in there. Ivy is making so many cooing and gurgling noises at the moment and soaks up the attention when anyone talks to her, rewarding the recipient with wide, dimpled grins.

I can't bottle up these moments, but I feel like this blog is the next best thing, as I struggle to capture the feelings and colours that are evoked as I witness these characters developing before my eyes. So many times I wished I could freeze these moments forever and be able to recall them at will later. My challenge now is to try and live in this mindset now that we are back, unpacked, washing queued up for the machine, grocery shopping trip scheduled for the morning. So much harder to do in this context.... but so worth it.

It should have been a bad day. Ivy had a pretty unsettled night and I was up and down with her between 2:30 to 4:30am. Then just as I was finally drifting off into a peaceful slumber, footsteps pattered up the hallway and Eli came to tell us there was snot on his pillow. 

We have all contracted a flu-like virus and noses are running like taps (when they aren't completely blocked). Eli looked like the walking dead all day and even tucked himself into bed after lunch and took a nap. Dave and I fluctuated between achy, fuzzy and dizzy and gravitated towards any horizontal surface as often as the situation would allow it.

It was Brace Day. We stumbled our way through breakfast and barely got the kids ready in time for Grandma to pick them up. Ivy fell asleep just before we were due out the door and both of our phones' data mysteriously ceased working. Then we were on the road. 

The hospital was almost comforting this time. I pushed the pram with purpose towards the Outpatient clinic but paused to notice the inspirational quotes painted on walls and carved into stained glass windows. Dave joined me after securing a park, then we were called in. No two hour wait this time! As the physio spoke the words "she will need a brace", I experienced none of the panic and shock of last time. Ivy didn't even utter a cry as the brace was fitted and we must have been doing OK too because the physio labelled us the 'most relaxed brace parents' she had ever dealt with. 

We made our way to the café and ordered long macchiatos and a brownie to share in the hospital cafe courtyard. I fumbled my way through feeding Ivy, getting used to the rigid feel of the brace again. We exhaled and took it all in- the pain, the break, the beauty. Without the constant interruption of preschooler demands and questions we were able to chat meaningfully about the things that inspired us- the books, the podcasts, the experiences. When the last drop and crumb were consumed, we reflected it had been one of our best 'dates' in a long time... at a rickety metal table amongst pigeons, with takeaway coffee from a hospital cafe.

I've been listening to a lot of Rob Bell podcasts (aka 'Robcasts') lately. I joked to Dave that often in our marriage it will go like this: 

Dave: "Hey Emma, you should read this book/try this idea/listen to this podcast!"

Emma: "Ummm, no thanks, not interested- that doesn't sound like my thing."

-Months Later-

Emma: "Wow, this book/idea/podcast is amazing! Why haven't I been into this before!?"

Dave: "..."

He takes the constant rejection really well, considering! And I am, believe it or not, beginning to learn from my mistakes and the period of time between completely dismissing the idea and adopting it as my own has shortened considerably. Anyway, I've come from thinking Rob Bell was a complete sell-out and a airy fairy New Age guru to thinking he has some pretty profound thoughts about life and the 'ordinary' things that we completely take for granted. Didn't hurt that my 'old man crush' Richard Rohr is kind of like Bell's mentor and was touring with him earlier this year. Bell takes things as simple as a supermarket receipt and makes the idea of grocery shopping sound meaningful rather than mundane. His outlook has been helping me a lot, changing my perspective towards the more ordinary things in life as a mother.

I've also been reading Shauna Niequist's book "Bread & Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes". The introduction of the book was right up my alley with her vividly painted picture of how food connects, entwines and nourishes people, and sets the stage for so many meaningful interactions in community. It encouraged me that my passion for food can be something I continue to pursue and prioritise right now, in the midst of our crazy 'three kids under four' life- with more 'crazy hour' dinners and neighbourhood barbeques like the one we had last Sunday. It made me appreciate again how crucial Tribe's lunch gatherings are to connecting people and convicted me that perhaps we should be trying to do mealtimes for House Church as well (despite how chaotic, messy and insane that will be with no less than 19 kids in that mix!). 

It is quite probable, with my 'task and details oriented' nature, that I am at risk of failing to pursue my passions and dreams by focusing purely on the day to day activities and keeping the family cogs turning. Being a mother is one of the most meaningful things in the world, but I think it would actually be detrimental to my kids if I allowed it alone to completely consume me. At the moment I'm cautiously dipping a toe into the water and testing out what my passions and dreams might be. At this stage, all I know is that I feel alive when dealing with food, planning parties, reading and writing this blog. Quite ordinary things on the surface, but who knows where they might lead? I'm heading down the Rabbit Hole!