Today we had a party to celebrate the journey of Tribe and to commemorate the changing of our moniker to 'Open House'. I got the opportunity to share what the community has meant to me, and how it has been such a key part of my journey in becoming more vulnerable and admitting when I need help...

"Most things in life have come easily to me. I was the perfect match for the schooling system, thriving off the competitiveness and rewards, and the affirmation of being a good rule follower. After a slightly rocky start, I began to figure out the university system and was able to churn out essays with relative ease and graduate from Law with Honors. My first experience with work was positive, getting to work in an amazing team and under an affirming boss who was a great mentor and teacher. When the first year of motherhood came along, I was expecting a few difficulties, but apart from a brief hiccup in the form of Eli being readmitted to hospital in the first month, that experience was largely an 'easy' and positive one.

And then my beautiful son, Hudson, came along. We were living in shared accommodation at the time, with our great friends, Alex and Monica and their son Chase. I thought I knew what to expect from a newborn and labour because I had done it once before. Boy, was I wrong. The entire experience with Hudson challenged my every conception of myself and basically broke me. Hudson was perpetually unhappy, slept fitfully, he had silent reflux and would scream for hours as if he was being tortured and there was little we could do to ease the experience for him. He was developmentally delayed and didn't crawl or really move until after he was 10 months old. Until that time, his awake time was mostly spent crying on his back.

It didn't help that one month after Hudson came to join us, Monica gave birth to a placid, peaceful and happy baby called Lucas. All I had to do was look over at him cooing happily on the floor and then back at my screaming baby and it felt as if I was failing in everything. I had quit my job when Hudson was born so I had zero outlets for affirmation and it hit me so hard.

I was so used to being the one who had it together, the 'coper', the thriving one and it was all stripped away. There were glimmers of hope throughout the period, the birth of this blog being one, and my introduction to the concept of neuroplasticity. I became softer and more empathetic... but only after I had been considerably dark and angry for a long period of time.

In the year from hell, Monica and Alex put up with a lot from me. I was sullen and passive-aggressive, difficult to live with. Often Monica would be tip-toeing around wondering what on earth she had possibly done to piss me off. There were a few volatile house meetings where angry words poured out of my mouth before I could reel them back in. But through it all, they chose to love me, to forgive me and to this day, they are two of the closest friends that we have, despite currently living on the other side of the globe.

In late 2013 I fell pregnant again. When I was 9 weeks along, however, I went along to a dating ultrasound to have the awful, devastating experience of being told that they couldn't find the baby. It was known as a 'Blighted Ovum' which is where the fertilised egg is implanted into the uterus but it does not develop into an embryo. My body thought it was pregnant and was giving me all the symptoms, but there was nothing there. Later that day, I distractedly drove straight through a red light, right through two lines of oncoming traffic, and hit another vehicle. Miraculously all of us were OK, but my little yellow car was totalled.

The response from Open House was incredible. Dave and I were hollow versions of ourselves after the turmoil of that year and the community gathered around us, bringing meals and love, and collected over $2,000 to help us buy a new car. We were due to move house in the same week that I had a curette and Hudson's hernia operation and a swarm of people showed up with helping hands. It was absolutely overwhelming.... and so healing.

The power of Open House for me, is the freedom that even when I was the worst version of myself, able to give so little, the community didn't flinch. It stepped in, opening accepting arms and said 'It's OK'.

It's truly when we are our most vulnerable, all defenses stripped away, that we realise who we are, and who our friends are too. I really feel like our little community is at its best when rallying around people who have hit rock bottom and are (reluctantly) ready to admit to needing help.

The friends we have made as a result of this community are irreplaceable and so, so precious. I literally couldn't imagine life without you guys. Thank you for doing life with us and sharing who you are with our community."

We planted our first seedlings in the planter boxes yesterday. To be honest, I know absolutely nothing about gardening! The closest I've come is (barely) keeping some herb pots alive, hanging from the vintage white doors mounted on the deck outside the kitchen window. We tried to plant some passionfruit plants so that they would begin climbing up the fence, but the slugs and bugs were relentless and stripped the leaves before it had a chance to flourish.

Nevertheless, we now have a strawberry plot, a furrow of onion seedlings and some mixed lettuce. Eli was keen to put on his gardening gloves and create the furrow for the onions, while Hudson was content shovelling soil into the emptied seedling pots and transferring the contents back and forth. Half an hour later, when we shook the mud off our shoes (or snowboots in Eli's case- his latest favourite thing to wear, usually paired with a rashi) and the tips of our cold noses hit the warm air of the kitchen, it felt like no time at all had passed. 

The onions have already (hopefully) withstood their first onslaught as I found Hudson dancing among the rows in his gumboots this afternoon. I suspect we may experience many such setbacks until the lure of the plots starts to lessen.

Dave had to work today, so I had the kids and house to myself. In holidays past, the unfairness of having to give up a day of 'my' holiday would have worn away at me like a pebble in the heel of my shoe, but today I actually found it to be a positive change. We have just watched 'About Time' again, which would have to be one of my favourite movies. The poignant message of treating each day as the 'do over' day, allowing yourself to really 'see' the things you would have missed the first time due to the day's worries and anxieties, is a frame of mind that I would love to embed more into my way of life.

There were difficult moments, of course, where I got frustrated and grumpy at the kids and their interactions (or refusal to nap properly, in Ivy's case); but we were (mostly) able to bounce back and use humour to see the funny side. We set up a cafe in the living room and took turns being waiters and customers, Eli gave Hudson a medical check up and injection, Eli learned to ride his new 'dragon' bike that he got for his birthday, we danced in the kitchen and had lots of cuddles. Then I got to cook Banh Mi for dinner, one of my favourite meals. Dave arriving home half an hour later than he had predicted amazingly didn't even throw off the good vibes.

The funny thing is that previously, my story about the successes of the day would have started off with a list of all the cleaning tasks that I was able to get done... and I did get the chance to do a sizeable number of chores that had been 'eyeing' me off for a while. But the pleasure of ticking those boxes was far outweighed by the soulful satisfaction gained by being able to recover from frustrations and revel in the magic that is their childhood. Hudson's squishy cheeks poking out of his helmet, Eli doing a nudie run on the deck and climbing up the basketball pole, Ivy's fascinated face as she studies her brothers careening around her and throw balls 'to' her.

Life is pretty amazing, and heightened by discussions we are having at the moment about delving into communal living again. There are a number of families at Tribe who are really keen to discuss taking the leap into buying a shared property together with separate dwellings. There are so many conversations to still be had, but the thought of doing life together as a 'village' is so inspiring and exciting! Our next wine party is going to be a brainstorm/dreaming session about how we could make this a reality.... Watch this space...

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A few shots of the idyllic lunch we had at our incredible friends, Nick and Laura's house, yesterday. The weather, view, food and company couldn't have been any more perfect, and the kids kept themselves entertained playing a 'knock knock' game and with a vintage Lego plane rescued from hard rubbish.